we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize