I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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