finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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