I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
