Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
