Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize