My liver just broke up with me...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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