what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
