did you get engaged???
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
