Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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