Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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