I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
