i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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