No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
