Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
