I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
