I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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