well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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