god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The beer is more important than you right now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
