If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
