just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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