I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
