He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
