question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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