She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
