I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
