At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
