i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
