I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
