remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
two words...techno handjob
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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