That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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