I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
