I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
