can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
