I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
