I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize