Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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