Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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