dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
