At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
