Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
In America we eat man semen.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
