One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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