I accidentally burped into my bong.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
