dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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