I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
