i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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