Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
