Do you still have your period?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is wine microwaveable?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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