you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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