my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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