plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
