u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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