like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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