Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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