U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
