I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My breasts were aching with rage.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
