for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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