me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
