Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
