she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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