I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
