How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
