Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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