I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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