I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize