it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
