oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
