You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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