Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
