I wish I could teleport
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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