obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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