More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
