I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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