I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she looked like the before picture.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
