Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize