how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
