I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
