I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
