Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
