I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
