his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
