shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just got carded by a ten year old.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize