That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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