just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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