I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
