what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize