Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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