Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
