I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
