I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
