Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
