i wish my penis had a tongue
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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