I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize