Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
