i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
