Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
