Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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