I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
