No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
