Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
