she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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