I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
