ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
