Duck Duck Cougar?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
