my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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