I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
