I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
