I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
not ubering you a puppy
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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